Cover artwork by Anton Biletskyi-Volokh, from an unpublished reusable sketchbook in progress.
A thematic selection of translated notebook fragments.
A person sometimes gets stuck in whichever emotion their family used to respond to. In some families it was tears, in others rage; some encouraged joy but did not welcome sadness.
Behind the shame of being unable to be perfect lies a strong need for love.
- Maybe if I do become perfect, they will love me.
Shame is like a little death: I wish I could disappear.
Shame is connected with death: freezing, slowing down so much that you wish the ground would swallow you.
Touchiness is malignant egocentrism.
Guilt is the currency of those who cannot grieve in order to let go.
Sadness expresses the value of what has been lost.
Fear is the most activating emotion. So being afraid can sometimes be like having a little coffee.
The past affects the present not as cruel fate or predestination. The more emotions remain unprocessed in the past, the more the past is our present.
Guilt as a way of understanding relationships: either I am guilty, or others are guilty towards me.
Shame and loneliness form a duet: shame makes you want to disappear, and once you disappear, loneliness kicks in.
Sadness alone is not enough to grieve. After sadness, it is important to say goodbye to the loss and let go, rather than constantly returning to a new cycle of grief.
Resentment is a fantasy about how things should have been instead of living through how they were.
Resentment is aggression that has no rights, which makes it even more destructive than aggression that does have rights.
The inner critic can be active, aggressive and angry; then it is easy to notice. It is harder when the critic is quiet but frightening, full of shame and disappointment.
The worse someone’s emotional self-regulation, the harder individual and group interaction becomes. When you are still young and cute, people may tolerate weak regulation of affect; later, of course, difficulties begin.
Emotional instability is one of the main factors reducing the ability to adapt. Emotional swings are a wonderful fairground ride when you are young, but a very costly pastime at a more mature age.
People who struggle to bear other people’s sadness usually cannot bear their own sadness at all.
Being able to encounter your own shadow and acknowledge it is a sign of emotional maturity. The more difficulty someone has regulating emotions, the more unambiguously bright an image of themselves they can bear.
Anxiety is guilt in advance.