Cover artwork by Anton Biletskyi-Volokh, from an unpublished reusable sketchbook in progress. Other work from my sketchbook practice.
A thematic selection of translated notebook fragments.
Healing your boundaries isn't only learning to say ‘no’. It's also learning to say ‘yes’ again.
You can have boundaries if you exist in your own right.
You can't forbid someone from enjoying themselves in their own way, but you can stop helping to organise their enjoyment.
Reliability and a strong sense of duty are good when paired with the ability to say no to obligations that are impossible or difficult to fulfil. First, boundaries matter. Second, so does a sober assessment of your strengths. Otherwise, those obligations eventually become impossible to carry.
Tolerance and being a doormat aren't the same thing. Tolerance is having stable boundaries and a broad range of things you can accept. Being a doormat is having a rather narrow range, but being too scared to say the magic word NO.
‘What would you advise me to do so I can decide everything for myself?’
‘How can I be free and also have somebody be my fortress?’
‘Tell me what to do, but don't you go telling me what to do.’
Envy of somebody else's agency is a step towards your own, even if a small one.
Being under an obligation as a way of making yourself feel more important.
Violating boundaries has a destructive effect on the person whose boundaries are violated and on the person doing the violating.
Forgiveness matters to you, rather than to the person you're forgiving. To forgive is to stop treating someone as a debtor when they often don't even know about the debt.
Being quarrelsome is preferring being right to being at peace.
The infant position means maximum demands on others and minimum demands on yourself.
Infantile behaviour is a thirst for power without any desire for responsibility. An infant demands things but owes nothing. It's only sad when the infant is closer to the grave than to the womb.
Adulthood is the ability to keep doing what you planned despite the frustration of setbacks.
Self-care and self-indulgence move in different directions. Caring for yourself often means turning down quick pleasures in order to have better ones.
There is nobody outside you who knows better than you what suits you and what doesn't.
We often confuse honesty with aggressive attacks, care with indulgence, vulnerability with being weak and helpless, and personal boundaries with cruelty. Sometimes we come to therapy to rewrite our dictionary, so old words can acquire new meanings. Or the other way round.
Being able to calmly tolerate other people's displeasure is an important sign of maturity.
Psychology Notebook is a translated personal archive of observations, study and lecture notes, paraphrases, quotations and remembered ideas. A fragment's presence here does not establish exclusive authorship or scientific consensus. These are notebook fragments, not clinical guidance.